It's called hubris, dear James....

...hubris. I'm talking about the little moment backstage when you said "You never have to do the jive again. Bovvered?" Within the hour, you and Zoe had experienced the most spectacular fall from grace ever seen on SCD, and were back performing said jive in the dance off.

Now, James dear, you are obviously a talented man, but lacking in analytical capability, so here is a little quiz to shed some light on your SCD experience to date.

Series 4

Which ambitious pro with a dance challenged celeb was shown on VTs bullying and criticising said celeb's weight?

a) Brendan Cole

b) Ian Waite

c) James Jordan

Series 5

Which ambitious pro with a talented partner was constantly portrayed as over-competitive and thus made an early exit from the competition?

a) Brendan Cole

b) Erin Boag

c) James Jordan

Series 6

Which pro with a moderately talented partner suffered an early exit at the hands of the phenomenon known as John Sergeant and mouthed off liberally about the disgrace?

a) Lilia Kopylova

b) Brian Fortuna

c) James Jordan

Series 7

Which pro with a talented partner was the first shock appearance in the dance off?

a) Natalie Lowe

b) Brian Fortuna

c) James Jordan

Which established pro has never reached the final 3 in any series of SCD?

a) Anton du Beke

b) Erin Boag

c) Brendan Cole

d) Camilla Dallerup

e) Ian Waite

f) Darren Bennett

g) Lilia Kopylova

h) Karen Hardy

i) Matthew Cutler

j) Vincent Simone

k) Flavia Cacacce

l) Ola Jordan

m) James Jordan

You see James, there is a link between all of these quiz Q and As, isn't there?

And another thing. To end up in the dance off, you must have come last in the public vote. To come last in the public vote with 3 couples must be gutting; last in 5 couples is devastating; last of 12 couples - that is a PR disaster!

Now some of it is the editing - Zoe is getting the same edit as various other high profile, talented female celebs (Zoe Ball, Emma Bunton, Lisa Snowden - all of whom scored highly with the judges, and when the public had their way voted them 3rd out of 3). You can't do anything about that - that is your storyline and you are going to have to lump it.

But part of the problem is you! You need an image makeover and quick. I suggest that on your next ITT appearance you casually mention that you are donating part of your fee to saving a donkey sanctuary and rescuing the inhabitants from the terror of the knacker's yard and reincartion as pet food. Seriously, you know the GBP go nuts over animals, and saving the donkeys gets them every time. Yes, your image problem really is that serious.

Moving on to Choreography Corner - gasp! I am learning stuff from Karen that I have never even thought about even in 35 years as a dancer, such as the jive being as much as a rotational dance as the VW, and the jive being a choice between a swing jive and a kick jive. Absolute bliss.

So to Craig and Flavia. They must have done very well in the voting figures on Saturday, not just because they escaped the dance off, but because they had a good edit on ITT! Seriously, they came across as fun for the first time, and the story of their jive was hilarious! But hold the celebrations, they are doing samba. But Flavia is working on his abs (at last, I have been banging on about his lack of core strength since his first dance!), so all may not be lost. I had to laugh at Craig's comment about the judges "They haven't said that I am a bad dancer" and Claudia's deadpan response "They have alluded to it".

I don't think I can bear to talk about Laila and Anton, except to recall the following exchange: Claudia "Who went wrong?"; Anton "That is an interesting question".....Sometimes the stiletto heel can do far more damage than the boot!