I was really looking forward to watching Craig and Len dance the lambada next week

But my hopes were dashed when Zoe and James avoided the dance off!

First up this week were Long Jump Jade and Long Tall Ian. And it was obvious from the first moment of her VT who would be in the dance off. I thought that Jade was going on a journey! But the VT focused on her diva strop, and that, combined with dancing first and an act of sabotage from the wardrobe department, meant that Jade and Ian were destined for the dreaded dance off. It was such a shame, because I thought she not only danced the best samba of the night, but she also performed really well. I would have preferred to have seen her in a more traditional samba dress with some feathers to emphasis the hip movement instead of the monstrosity that wardrobe dug out for her. I have to admit that I spent half of the dance in a state of fear about whether she was actually wearing knickers, before I remembered that all SCD dresses are based on flesh-coloured leotards! Phew.

Team Cola were next up and I spent the dance in a state of high anxiety. What if he forgot the choreography again whilst in the middle of a lift? Were we going to see the first ever dropping of a pro in the AS? But he delivered a creditable dance and was back up to tango standards, if not rumba yet. His reward was a great big vote-winning "yeah baby". Hope his confidence is restored and he can go away and work on his hands, chin and bum now.

The lady and the tramp - performing a perfectly nice, but instantly forgettable American Smooth. With most of the smooth bits left out. And no performance. So of course it got rave reviews and a too high score. Oh and a little bit of a dig at the public for putting them in the bottom two last week. And for good measure, some excuses from the judges about how difficult it is when part of your costume distracts you from the job in hand. Bottom two again next week then.

My Tufty who can do no wrong and the Kat - lovely VT, during which Phil managed to lower all expectations of doing a good job in a far more humorous way than certain other celebs have managed! As usual he oozed charisma, stage presence and swinging buttocks. In fact I was almost distracted from the fact that it wasn't great choreography. My mind wandered again to thoughts of Phil partnered with Lilia, who would certainly get his humour and be able to showcase it to the max. Skipped off to the phone to vote for Phil as soon as the lines opened.

The deer in the headlights and Freddie's love child. Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. He always looks so stunned when the judges tell him how badly he has done - does he really think he can dance? Mind you, I felt they were harsh, because he had improved, and Flavia for once choreographed a routine which he could cope with. She kept him in hold or within easy grabbing distance most of the time, and he didn't actually go wrong, which was a first. And his singing along irritated me, but at least he was showing some personality with it!

Junior Minder and Mrs Newly Mellow, with one of her gambles that actually paid off. Loved the routine, and thought it suited Ricky down to the ground. Loved the little nods to Mary Poppins and the change of tempo to quickstep at the end. Thought that the lifts looked a little roughly executed but he pulled them off, and I felt that it showed that his ballroom techique had improved. Clever, clever Erin. It was my favourite Smooth of the night, and a really memorable one (for all the right reasons).

I was annoyed at the harshness of the criticism of Have a go Jo and her knight errant. Yes it was more of a stumble and drag than a samba, but she too had improved, and didn't deserve the lowest score of the series. I voted for her, and may just go and see Brendan on tour, now that I know Jo will be doing a number.

Loved, loved, loved Natalie and Vincent's AS, which proved that you don't have to do tricks and lifts to have the wow factor. I thought that she had lovely movement, and great use of arms. Her best dance to date. Keep it up Natalie!

Adonis and Blonde Ambition did a perfectly nice samba, complete with lovely samba rolls, but it just didn't excite me. They seem to dance for themselves, rather than for the audience, and there was an air of self congratulation about it, rather than joy of the dance. I would have rated Jade way above them and fear that the dance off can't be far off for them.

Ken and Barbie did a lovely smooth, which was overscored (as it had to be because Zoe and James had been earlier). Ten, Bruno. Really? The most memorable moment was Brian attempting to suck up to Alesha at the end. Pass the bucket.

So we closed with Charm and Smarm, dancing to "The Greatest Dancer". And somehow I don't think the song was chosen with irony. Well there was a cha cha opening, plenty of hustle, 3rd rate Travolta pastiche, but I didn't actually see any samba. And I swear Anton was off beat in places. He actually looked shocked when all judges (including Len!) slammed the content, although I was bouncing up and down on the sofa cheering. But I shut up quickly when the scored it 28. 28!!!! I voted for everyone below them on the leaderboard, pursuing a one woman battle to get them in the dance off. Sadly, it was not to be. And at this rate, we are going to have a du Beke salsa foisted on us some time in the very near future.

The pro jive - yay! Officially the best ever pro jive since Rebel Yell. Then some world champions, who turned up dressed in their pyjamas. She span so many times I got dizzy watching, and they executed a very nice, precise cha cha, with precious little joy or acknowledgement of the audience.

The countdown to the dance of doom was great fun, as I couldn't decide whether James Jordan was actually going to throw up, or pass out. The dance off itself was a foregone conclusion, with Brendan throwing in a lift because they couldn't give a toss, and Jo trying to pre-empt the whole listening to the judges waste of time. Bruno was unnecessarily rude, and Bruce fumbled and spoiled what should have been Jo's moment. The remaining contestants were quick though to show just how popular back stage Jo has been. Jo Wood, you rock!