Well, it was a night full of shock and horror on Strictly - and that was just the hairstyles

I have recently discovered that hairdryers can actually be live beings with murderous intent, so goodness knows what sadistic streaks hairdressers themselves have. I think it was obvious from what the SCD hairstylists did to Erin and Natalie this week that they are capable of cruel acts, and as for giving Ali hair extensions to make her a dead ringer for Tess Daly - what have the poor girl done to deserve that?

So poor Bruce is suffering with the flu, and it must be a bad dose indeed for the consummate professional to miss a show. Anton must be kicking himself that he is still in the competition, and therefore unavailable to do a real, live audition for next series. Instead we had Ronnie Corbett making a grand entrance, milking some hysterical applause, and doing a neat role reversal in the opening dance. And then doing nothing very much at all. Why BBC? Why have him on to deliver a oouple of lame jokes? Or was it because the two little ladies weren't trusted to deliver the goods by themselves, and needed a man to step in if necessary? Purlease, it's 2009, not 1909, and Tess did a perfectly adequate job covering for Bruce, whilst Claudia brought a special brand of mayhem to the Tesspit, and lightened an otherwise sombre episode.

Poor, poor Jade. I really felt for her, and for Ian, and it was truly sad seeing the high-spirited, feisty Jade looking so devastated, vulnerable and fearful for her athletics future. In fact, I could have done without seeing that segment actually, because it seemed overly intrusive, especially at a moment when Jade was confronted with the prospect of the premature end of her career. Part of me hopes that Jade will pull out now, because much as I hope that she will win the SCD crown, for her, her priority has to be long jump and 2012.

And so we opened with my beloved and Kanadian Kat, with Phil expressing the fear of dropping her "especially because her mum is in the audience, and she might hit me with her handbag". I loved it, and thought it was their best dance to date. Phil looked every inch the part, and my little head was filled with fantasies of being whirled round the dancefloor by Tuffers. I felt it was a little underscored (possibly suffering the fate of those who dance first) and given what happened later, I would have put him above Natalie and Vincent on the leaderboard.

What was Blonde Ambition wearing? And was it written in his contract that Ricky has to bare his chest at every available opportunity? I liked the jive, but I didn't love it, and felt that technique was allowed to go out the window at the expense of speed and the kitchen sink approach to choreography that Natalie often shows. And last year Tom Chambers was dismissed as smug for far, far less than Ricky and Natalie have done this year. Overscored, but then he has finalist written all over him, and made need some help to keep him from the whims of those nasty public voters.

How on earth did Ricky and Erin end up in the bottom two with that Get out the Granny Vote of a VT? I liked this a lot, and even liked the glasses as a signifier of a more serious approach. His shoulders have improved by leaps and bounds, and the body contact was great throughout. It was a bit skippy, but he has worked so hard on improving his technique and that is showing.

Team Cola up next. I can just imagine the conversation last Monday in Strictly Towers. Clueless Producer 1 "So X Factor are doing a Queen week". Clueless Producer 2 "Excellent. Would it look like copycats to try and squeeze a Queen track into Strictly?". CP1 "Wow, do you reckon We Will Rock You would work for a rumba?"; CP2 "I guess the band could do it at a different tempo? But wait, we could do something a bit more dramatic - a paso perhaps?"; CP1 "Didn't we already have a paso to Queen earlier this series?". CP2 "Yes, you're right....Hm, what about something Queen-like but a bit different? Those Darkness chappies were quite good, weren't they?".

Because surely that is the only explanation of the music choice for this paso, and what the band proceeded to do with it. It was also the cue for some Olympic level gurning from Chris, some real aggression from Ola, and a bit of mucking about with a cape. And actually, once I had stuck my fingers in my ears to block out the song, it wasn't a bad paso. But it wasn't really a 9 paso either, really, was it, Alesha?

So Smarm and Charm just happened to have an injury the week of their worst dance, which just happened to provoke the sympathy vote to lift them out of the danger zone. Sorry, love, but if you are injured, you either sit it out, or you get a dose of painkillers down you, and you go out and do the best job that you can do under the circumstances. That sounds harsh, but Ali danced on a foot that was literally bleeding and carried off a far more complex routine with panache, and Phil danced five days after knee surgery and took the criticism on the chin.

NatCass and the Italian Stallion - well no-one can take her joy and enthusiasm away from her, and she sells every dance, but by now she does need to start showing some improvement technically. Overmarked (although it has occurred to me that the judges realise that the girls are suffering in the public vote compared to the boys, and are prepared to overmark to keep either Ali or Natalie in the competition as long as possible).

Barbie and Ken, and Barbie is such a lovely dancer, but just doesn't do wild at all. Awful music, and they did well to pull off a routine to that garbage. Overmarked but surprise, surprise, tied at the top, so out of the danger zone.

So now it was heartbreak time. Tuffers out.......but if Jade withdraws, there is a provision for them to be reinstated. And let's face it, without the injuries this week, the leaderboard would have looked rather different, so it seems a shame that we lose one of the bigger characters, who really has started to improve, at this stage.