So t'internet has gone into meltdown and there is one phrase repeated over and over again.

"We've had to put up with Arlene leaving SCD and now we have to endure Alesha as a judge". Well, quite. (More of that later).

So last night we had fireworks, Catherine Wheels, rockets, sparklers, Jack in the Boxes and a damp squib. Strictly arrived at the Tower Ballroom Blackpool and pulled out all the stops. Now that is what I call a showstopper. 8 weeks in, the contestants reduced by half, and finally we have an unmissable show.

It was worth all the expense, time, resources and sheer hassle of relocating to Blackpool, and my inner geek wants a whole ITT devoted to the master planner behind the scenes of this spectacular! Ballroom's spiritual home proved just what a real ballroom venue can provide that a TV studio can't; the audience cheerfully screamed their throats sore, and clapped their hands raw; and all the performers absolutely rose to the occasion.

I noticed the first mistake with the logistics the minute Tess walked down the stairs though. Poor dear, someone left her costume in London, so wardrobe had to assemble a montage of carefully dyed crepe bandages and curtain material to hide the embarrassment.

Adonis and Blonde Ambition kicked off the show with a turbo-charged tango. It was good to see them (at long last) dance first, and it was a good effort. It was never going to beat last week's quickstep, and a better music choice could have allowed for more light and shade, and an overall more dramatic feel to the dance. The judges all helpfully overlooked the errors though and indulged in the first bit of over-marking of the programme.

NatCass and the Italian Stallion. I can't help but wonder what would have happened if Rachel or Louisa had had a personality like Natalie. I think they would have romped home with the trophy. Natalie gets Vincent and gives as good as she gets. "This could be the best quickstep". "It could be. You could be six foot tall".

Great VT to usher in a pretty good effort at the quickstep. The choreography was amazingly difficult, and Natalie kept up well. For a vertically-challenged couple, they covered the massive floor brilliantly. But I think Vincent needs to bear in mind Natalie's physical stamina. Like last week's Jive, they started off like a bat out of hell, filled the floor with energy and enthusiasm, and then about 40 seconds into the routine, Natalie visibily wilted. Even the smile was gone, and for about 20 seconds she looked as though she were clinging on for dear life. Then she got her joie de vivre back, even to the extent of a comedy ending, directly channelling Tess, with a wooden flop into Vincent's arms, arms and leg akimbo. (Please tell me it was done with irony?).

Long Jump Jade and Long Tall Ian. I simply cannot work out what the producers are doing with her. One minute she is competitive, stroppy Jade, the expendable female for the shock exit; the next she is journey Jade, the dark horse for the final. This week she was journey Jade, for the second week running. Last week the VT was get out the granny vote; this week it was get out the kid vote for Role Model Jade.

There was a moment of shock when I realised that Jade was the second victim of wardrobe leaving a suitcase in London, but they had cobbled together a swimming costume and sarong as a last minute stand in, and made it up to her with the best sparkly eye shadow of the night.

The Jive and Ian is normally a cue for the "tall girls can't do this dance" spiel from Len, but this dance needed a different script from him. Jade mixed femininity and athleticism in just the right measure, only losing it towards the end when she took to executing her flicks as if she were booting a football into touch. I put it down to excitement. Please let Jade and Ian make the final!

Barbie and Ken treated us to a swirling, sweeping, swooning fairy tale of a Viennese Waltz. Her arms and leg lines were exquisite, she actually forgot she was PC Ali from the Bill and gave into the music and her partner and gave us a performance. My eyes filled up, and I am sure they will every time I watch this dance back. Even Craig got swept away with the emotion of the dance and the performance and dusted off his 10 paddle. Full house and well deserved.

It was always going to be hard to follow this performance, and Ricky and Erin were up against it. They gave it their best, pleased the crowd, and got slated by the judges, who were perhaps reflecting on whether it was too early in the series to give out the first perfect 40, and wanted to revert back to business as usual with the next couple. It wasn't their finest hour, and I would have liked to have seen more hip action, less mouth action. But having said that, Ricky proved that his timing has improved no end in the long opening side to side section, and that his musicality is getting there. I would have thought that the VT, getting out the Big Guns, (Austin Healy, please will you marry me?) would have guaranteed a free pass to next week, but it was not to be.

Smarm and Charm had the best costumes of the night, and Laila has possibly the best paso skirt action of any female celeb that I have seen. But the music was laboured, the routine was safe, Laila's spins were shaky and she looked uncomfortable out of hold, there was no connection with the audience, and there were two illegal lifts. Anton seemed to get off rather lightly with this by indulging in a bit of banter with Len (so we remember what happens when Brendan plays the illegal lift card? Or Matt Cutler and Carol Smillie did a throw in the AS and were slated for it? Well, here there were no prawnheads, no doughnuts, no outrage - just a benign smile. Favouritism, perchance? Or was it just that Laila had established herself as the weakest female in the competition, so no-one was particularly bothered?)

Tuffers and the Kanadian Kat were up next, and a great VT set them up nicely for next week. Katya even played the "My mum is coming to visit next week" card. But stop, this is getting ridiculous! They left Katya's costume in London as well and the poor thing had to dance in her undies and some carefully draped net curtains. Good job they go so rarely to Blackpool! Phil has some really nice lines, and really used his arms and legs well. He had the wrong character throughout though and reminded me of Sid James telegraphing to the audience that he was about to cop a feel of Barbara Windsor. Bruce accidentally contributed to the Carry On Rumba feel by asking us all whether "The cat has done his business?". I put it down to excitement. The judges proceeded to slate it, but they know that we know that they know that the Cat is going to be slinking through for a few rounds yet.

Team Cola!!! If the red tops are correct, then Team Cola are leading in the public vote and are in no threat of going out before December. And so they should be when Ola gives such fab soundbites as "My little Chris done a great job" in her perfectly charming mixture of Polish cum East Kent accent. Sadly, as far as the boyfriend was concerned, wardrobe had remembered Ola's costume, so she did not have to dance in her underwear and some candy floss. Possibly the measure of Ola's confidence in Chris was the fact that she was the most covered up I have ever seen her. His bum needs to come in, he needs to stop singing (but then I would have been singing along to that track as well), but the boy has done it. He has broken away from the mid table and staked his claim (justified now) to be snapping at the heels of leaders.

So to the Blackpool Bandwagon. Well there was some cunning choreography (particularly the section where Flavia had him on his knees for 20 seconds and danced around him); there was some cunning camera work (the aerial look hid a multitude of sins). But ultimately, it was the weakest dance of the night.

I felt he did deserve credit for actually going out and performing and interacting with the audience for once, but it was not to be. Len tried hard to soften the blow, but then Alesha decided to take herself out of the running for next year's SCD LIVE ON AIR!! IN BLACKPOOL! BIGGEST RATINGS TO DATE! (Alesha, my dear, you have been sweet, but you are supposed to tell the producers behind closed doors, not tell the audience like this).

So this is what she actually said "I can't believe Zoe went and I had to endure that". Swiftly followed by "You are not as good a dancer as you think you are". Badly done, Alesha, badly done. You were brought in to soften the panel and empathise with the contestants and what they are going through, no? Well that was more vindictive and personal and subjective than anything I have heard from any of the other judges, and if Craig had stayed it would have been on your head!

So followed an agonising wait for the dance off. Were we in for a shock exit (not Jade! Please not Jade!). On the one hand, the judges had assembled the first sensible leaderboard of the series, with no ties (hardly difficult when you are scoring 9 couples and giving out marks between 17 and 40). This meant that Ricky and Craig really were in bottom position with 1 and 2 points apiece and needed a big volte face in the public vote. But then again, the producers had given Craig the prime slot (dancing last, just as the phone lines opened) and the judges had all but gifted him a place in next week's show.

My nails were about to be bitten to the quick, but several things happened.

The chanderliers came down and the eight professional couples did a beautiful group Viennese Waltz. The Tower Ballroom floor was filled with gorgeous dresses, gorgeous dancing, all in complete harmony.

Then we had a group swing jive and were promised two special guests. Who could they be? And there she was! Back in her spiritual home, with her partner, dancing her dance.....JILL HALFPENNY!!!! Woo hoo! SCD's best ever winner (yeah, sod those stats you keep shoving down our throats about Alesha, Rachel and Lisa, see that girl go). Looking better and dancing better than ever, St Jill of the Halfpenny Jive, you looked as though that was where you truly belong, partnering Darren, dancing alongside Lilia and Aliona, and the Kings of the Jive themselves, Brendan and the Divine Mr Cutler. Eat your heart out, somebody else who I used to rather like a lot!

Then up came the second special guest. Mr Bruce Forsythe himself. And say what you will about him, if I still have that ability to perform when I am 60, leave alone 82, I will be on top of the world. So many people who have been to the live shows say that Bruce is brilliant live and that we just don't get the measure of the man from the recordings. Well in front of an audience that big, he radiated joy and happiness and stage presence, and really pulled it out of the bag. You are my favourite, Bruce.

Then we had another crooner, with an amazonian beauty in a very small dress (wardrobe again! Another dress left behind, so they had had to fit Penny Lancaster into Kristina's dress!). The dance wasn't great, but diddy Matt looked cute, as did diddy Rod Stewart.

And the moment of truth. Well at least Erin didn't lose her hair this time, and the right person, eventually, got the coach home.