"Introducing my very good friend of many years - Dame Shirley Ballet"

And it all started off so well with Bruce determined to show how much sparkle and verve the show had lost with his temporary absence. He was doing a sterling job as well until he ran out of steam about half way through, and then it was a long descent into tediousness. Why, oh why, when two series ago Arlene got into some very hot water by referencing Ola, Pole, and dancer in the same sentence was Bruce allowed to recite a scripted joke using exactly the same innuendo? Arlene's remark was obviously an off the cuff quip gone very wrong, whereas this (like the "losing a Stone" debacle earlier this series) was pre-planned and calculated. Judging by Ola's face, she could cheerfully have punched Bruce and/or his scriptwriter.

And then we slid ever downward in a spiral until we finally bottomed out with the Dame Shirley Ballet comment. Oh dearie me.

And so to Jade and Ian, tragically out of the competition, just as they had a real shot at winning it. Jade has been one of the shining lights of SCD for me this series, and the one person who has improved so much technically and in terms of performance, and who could deliver in both latin and ballroom.

The producers have had seven series of experience, and a very long week of deliberation, to work out the contingency plans for withdrawal through injury. And what have they come up with? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. And it looks as though we are heading for yet another two person final (barring cock ups in the voting procedure) and a foregone conclusion as the winner. Oh well, maybe they will have a short, sharp shock when the ratings figures are the lowest ever for a Strictly final.

Or maybe the brief to the producers this series has been to start managing the inevitable decline of the show, because let's face it, most TV series have a shelf life, and seven series in, SCD will start to wane sooner or later.

Barbie and Ken kick us off with a slightly fast foxtrot, and initially I am mesmerised by her absolutely stunning dress, and then I am distracted by the awkward position of her left elbow. It is all too clear from her arm positioning that her hand is shaking uncontrollably throughout the dance, and I am left wondering whether Ali, beautiful dancer that she can be, is really cut out for a strenuous final if her nerves are still so bad this far into the competition.

NatCass has been Sonya-ing and samba-ing all this week, and the VT even shows her strutting her stuff in Albert Square and promising to try and get Vincent a role as an extra on Eastenders. That I would pay good money to see. Make-up have done a lovely job on her this week, but obviously they ran out of time with the lippy (problem I have myself time and time again) so had just slapped on a random streak of lurid pink somewhere below her nose, and hoped for the best. Unfortunately, the shade of lipstick just drew even more attention to Natalie doing her fly catcher "I am really having so much fun in the latin" facial expression. Still more unfortunately, it distracted me, but not enough to lead my attention away from her feet. There are times when I think she would look more elegant wearing army boots, and she is still so very, very flat footed.

Vincent's choreographic mojo seemed to be missing in action this week, because from the stilted start, right through to the end, this was just very pedestrian, and lacked all of his usual flashes of brilliance. And as for samba rolls - they looked more like samba wobbles to me. Even Jo Wood managed a more convincing attempt. The judges though worked hard to guarantee the sympathy vote, except for Alesha, wielding her 8 paddle. Alesha - you really have just given up on getting invited back to this gig haven't you, love?

Team Cola were taking no chances this week, and showcased an entire ballet class in their VT. (Yes I know that Jade had kids in her VT a couple of weeks ago, but they were older, less cute, and they weren't all wearing pink and white ballet gear). I want to love their dancing, as much as I love their partnership, but they have done nothing to match their rumba yet for me. His technique is improving, but this was a simple VW, and possibly the slowest VW ever seen on SCD. Alesha made a dig at Ola's choreo, which didn't seem wise. After the Pole Dancer jibe, I bet Ola was gunning for someone, and she must have realiesd that taking a swing at a doddery octogenarian would be bad for votes, but socking one to the controversial new "judge" could provide endless votes, and coverage in all the red tops to boot. And she is tough. She has been on Total Wipeout. Alesha, you was well lucky there.

Adonis and Blonde Ambition seemed to have suffered a mis-communication from the producers. They were down for an American Smooth, but they delivered a waltz with added weight lifting. Whoops, what a wasted oppportunity. They were dancing to a wistful, haunting, tear-jerking song, so Natalie's choreography incorporated a grand-standing "look at him, doing the hardest, most impressive lift evah" moment, that seemed to go on and on and on....at the expense of any dancing. For me, the point of the American Smooth is to showcase how well the celeb can dance ballroom out of hold, and the skill is not in the difficulty of the lifts themselves, but in the transitions from dance to lift to dance again, and in fitting them into appropriate places in the dance.

Len was bang on the money for me, and the altercation between Craig and Len won my award for the best choreography of the night. So of course, Alesha had to make things worse by giving it a 10. Words fail me.

Charm and smarm did indeed make a miraculous recovery, and danced a perfectly acceptable waltz. Perfectly acceptable for a week 2 dance that is. Laila looked gorgeous, and I am sure that the fact that she looks the part sways a lot of people's judgement on her dance ability. For me, she has never fulfilled her early promise, and she just clings on to Anton and lets him do all the work. I do have to snatch back my recently awarded "Stupidest mark of the series" trophy from Alesha though, and thrust it in the direction of Len. 8. For that? Marbles, losing, must be.

And so to Ricky and Erin and Erin's breasts, who really deserved a dance all of their own. Erin is usually the best dressed pro, so what happened tonight? She also does the best choreo, so ditto? She normally gets the best pic of the music as well, so what the hell? Or have both of them just given up the ghost, and with two dance offs in a row, decided to go through the motions with the competition dance, and put all their energy into graceful exit speech, and beautiful last dance?

And so to the moment of truth, via a jaunty lindy hop from the Bennetts, and a beautifully staged rumba by some pros wearing pillow cases instead of dresses. Oh and Dame Shirley Ballet.

I actually thought that Ricky and Erin pulled out all the stops for their dance off and was hoping that the judges might choose this moment to get rid of some unwanted baggage, but it was not to be. Sadly.

And so we enter the final strait of a very very long series, with the final 5 seeming a tad uninspiring. The show greatly missed both Jade and Tuffers tonight, and the remaining shows will be the poorer without them. But wait. There is a glimmer of hope, for next week sees the introduction of two new dances. Rock n Roll and Charleston. And Smarm and Charm will be doing one of them. I can't wait!