And so to the Christmas Special...

....Or which ones do you fink wuz robbed the most?

After an early panic that a triffid had got let loose in the studio and was about to start devouring my fave pro dancers (yes of course I had been drinking. It was Christmas Day. Bear. Shit. Woods. OK?), I realised it was Tess Daly with an enormous, potentially flesh devouring bow attached to her left shoulder and nibbling at her ear. That was ok then. Finish the series as you started it, Tess. I guess it is a symptom of the BBC cuts that they employed a Year 10 Arts and Crafts kid as your personal stylist this year.

Shock of the programme number 1 - Tess thinks she can do comedy. Really, Tess, leave it to the one with 70 years experience in the trade. The problem with your timing in the introductory shuffle says all you need to know about the potential problems with the timing in comedy....

Shock of the programme number 2 - where is the Darce? What have they done with the bit of class? Did Alesha finally finish her off in the after show for the final? Never explained. Well I missed you, Darcey.

So first up we have Ricky and Natalie. I always feel so sorry for the finalists of this years' SCD in the Christmas Special. They are obviously always knackered, have had no time to rehearse, and are only there because their contract specifies it. Ricky and Natalie jogged through their quickstep, threw in a couple of lame samba rolls to annoy Len, and got patronised by the judges into joint second from bottom.

Does Christmas get any better than this? Christmas Day, Erin dancing with Austin, doing a paso doble. None of this lame, let's do a waltz/trot/step to sugary Christmas music and pretend we are being creative for my girl Erin. She brings out the paso of attack, and proves once again that she is the most creative of pros choreographically. I think we have here proof perfect that Ms Boag is a Queen fan, because not only did we have One Vision from her earlier in the series, we were treated to a section of Bohemian Rhapsody as our Chrissie Pressie. It takes a brave woman to take a section from the middle of the song and turn it into 90 seconds of something special for the Christmas Special, but Erin sure did it. Only thing she could have pondered more closely. There is a reason Queen never performed that section live. So that reason should translate to the house band for Strictly never performing that section live. Just saying.

But it was wonderful, and the clever minx even sneaked in 20 extra seconds of dance as they walked across the stage to take up their position. By some Act of God, someone in the village was letting off fireworks, and in my red wine addled state, the bangers fitted perfectly with the timing of the dance. A-MAY-ZING. And worthy of 4 10s at least. 5 if they hadn't snacked on Darcey for Christmas lunch.

But then embarrassment in the Tess pit. The Tess-bot's handler had obviously had a snifter of sherry for lunch and was having a bit of a lie down, and therefore unable to prevent the sexual harrassment that followed. Poor Austin. Poor pecs. I would keep out of the way of Mrs Austin if I were you, Tess.

They was right robbed by those judges. They should have won!!

What happened next? Oh yes. Ali and Brian did a perfectly nice Viennese Waltz. Just like their perfectly nice Viennese Waltz in Blackpool. And their one in the quarter final. And I bet I know what they are dancing on the tour!

More malfunctions in the Tess pit. She cannot stop going on and on and on about the lovebirds. Even to the point of saying that they could do that as their first dance at the wedding. Or saying she has a nice hat. Reboot. Reboot the Tessbot with immediate effect.

Next up Gethin and Flavia - Gethin revisiting the old rivalry with Matt just for a gentle stir. And you know what? I actually loved them dancing together, and thought they were far better suited than Gethin and Windmilla. What might have been in Series 5, eh? I am sure that thought had crossed Alesha's mind as well, as she snidily greeted them with "I had forgotten how good you were", and refused to get her 10 paddle out.

She refused to get her 10 out for Rachel and Vincent' Rumba as well (oh now who was it that got the most 10s ever then, Alesha?), and you know what? Rachbot has improved! She now shows emotion, and can project that emotion to the crowd! Well done Rachbot, and you should have won! (Well apart from Erin and Austin of course).

And we ended with Team Cola - not at their best, but do you blame them? What we didnt' need was Len Scrooge sneering at their recent win, and rubbing the public up even more, on Christmas Day of all days..... Ramps or Goughie for head judge next year anyone?